Somerville Boy

Somerville Boy SOMERVILLE - This is about a Somerville Boy. His name is John Buonomo and he is running for mayor. He may be the first candidate to run openly on the dummy platform. Of course, John Buonomo wouldn't characterize his campaign that way. But what else are we to think? Pick up his campaign flyer. In big bold type at the top, it states: "This is about a Somerville boy. In the first grade, he couldn't keep his mouth shut or sit still, so he was kept back -- twice." Beneath the fold is a pitiful picture of a solemn-faced little boy that is straight out of Dickens. As one Somerville voter said: "Maybe he's going for the sympathy vote." Another, referring to the fact that Buonomo was on the three-year plan in the first grade, asked: "Is he bragging or complaining?" Well, I wanted to know, too. So I asked the Somerville Boy about his ad and repeating the first grade -- first grade -- three times. In Somerville. "Many people in this city had similar experiences, and I wanted to show how I could relate to them," Buonomo said. I can just hear the households in Somerville buzzing now. "Honey, let's vote for the dummy. He's stupid, like us." Of course, John Buonomo is really not stupid. Not at all. He was valedictorian of his class at Southeastern Massachusetts University in Dartmouth. (His opponent went to Dartmouth, too. Dartmouth College). "I went from being kept back twice to being chairman of the School Committee in 1982," Buonomo said. So, the basic message is, there's hope for us all? That's as good a platform as a kinder-and-gentler nation, and certainly more original. "I believe it's important to show how I have been able to overcome difficulties in my life," he said. "The other thing I think is missing from politics today is candor and honesty," said Buonomo, who is chief administrator for Middlesex County. "Even though I repeated the first grade three times, I have the skills. I'm a manager. I set tax rates. I hire people, I fire people." In between, he works on his phonetics and fingerpaints. Seriously, though, how has the Somerville Boy ad gone over in Somerville, which has produced the likes of Vinny (Walking Around Money) Piro, Dennis (Get Me a Drink) McKenna and his son, Michael, Robert Campo and Larry Bretta, to name just a few of the town's more notorious politicians? "It absolutely has been successful," Buonomo said, adding that a woman recently came up to him and said she, too, had been carrying around "a dark secret" she was ashamed of. And what was that? She had flunked the fourth grade. "She felt a personal sense of relief that she was finally able to talk about it," Buonomo said. And perhaps that someone was as dumb as she was. Of course, John Buonomo really isn't dumb. It's just that his Somerville Boy ad is. Delve deeper into the flyer and you will find "The story of Buonomo Cheese" in which Buonomo describes how, as director of Somerville's Office of Human Services, he oversaw the distribution of the federal surplus cheese. "And soon," the flyer states, "it wasn't known as federal surplus food, it was 'Buonomo Cheese."' Geez, I've heard of wanting a school or park or bridge named after you, but some slabs of old cheese? The leading candidates, John Buonomo and Michael Capuano, like to think of themselves as the "reform" guys. But as one observer of Somerville politics has noted, "reform" is synonymous with "unindicted." If they allowed absentee votes from the Federal Correctional Institution at Danbury, Conn. -- known in Somerville simply as "Danbury" -- the Somerville citizens who are now guests of the federal government could swing any election. I asked Capuano if he had any deep, dark secrets about his academic record. Well, he acknowledged, he was on academic probation for a while at Dartmouth. But then he straightened up, did right and went on to Boston College Law School. "My academic problems may have been the reverse of John's," Capuano said. "I didn't have enough academic challenges." Oh yes, this campaign is getting nasty, all right. Capuano pointed out that both he and Buonomo are 38 years old, but Buonomo graduated three years behind him at Somerville High. Capuano was delighted to see the Somerville Boy ad, but he decided not to seize it as an issue because "I don't want to look like I'm picking on the dumb kid." "The question is, did you flunk the first grade and then become a renowned surgeon or something like that?" asked Capuano. "The answer is, he grew up and became a politician." But Capuano grew up and became a lawyer and lobbyist. Now, if we can just scrape up a used car salesman . . . [Table] ENGLIS;09/22 NIGRO ;09/26,12:49 ENGLIS25 Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is prohibited without permission. Abstract (Document Summary) Seriously, though, how has the Somerville Boy ad gone over in Somerville, which has produced the likes of Vinny (Walking Around Money) Piro, Dennis (Get Me a Drink) McKenna and his son, Michael, Robert Campo and Larry Bretta, to name just a few of the town's more notorious politicians? Of course, [John Buonomo] really isn't dumb. It's just that his Somerville Boy ad is. Delve deeper into the flyer and you will find "The story of Buonomo Cheese" in which Buonomo describes how, as director of Somerville's Office of Human Services, he oversaw the distribution of the federal surplus cheese. "And soon," the flyer states, "it wasn't known as federal surplus food, it was 'Buonomo Cheese."' The leading candidates, John Buonomo and Michael Capuano, like to think of themselves as the "reform" guys. But as one observer of Somerville politics has noted, "reform" is synonymous with "unindicted." If they allowed absentee votes from the Federal Correctional Institution at Danbury, Conn. -- known in Somerville simply as "Danbury" -- the Somerville citizens who are now guests of the federal government could swing any election.